Columnist John Moore knows the Southern search words to buy things online now that the Thrifty Nickel is gone. Courtesy John Moore/Facebook

The South used to rely on the Thrifty Nickel as our garage sale newspaper, but like many things these days, the Nickel was replaced by the Internet. Specifically, Facebook Marketplace.

Instead of waiting for the paper to hit the newsstands, we now wait for “New Listing” to appear on a Marketplace posting.

If you’re not on social media, Facebook is a social media platform where people share videos of cats playing the piano, pictures of themselves sitting in cars, and list items they want to sell. That’s where the marketplace piece comes in.

In the old days in Ashdown, Arkansas, if we wanted other people’s stuff, we had to wait until they put it in their driveway and sat in a lawn chair with a glass of sweet tea and haggled with us over the price.

Later, a newspaper called Thrifty Nickel was published and placed on newsstands. The price was right (free), and the same folks who used to park in front of yard sales at 6 a.m. when it didn’t start until 7 a.m., were now waiting for the Nickel to be delivered on Thursday.

When you found an item you wanted, you called quickly, before someone else could haggle with the owner, who now was inside sitting in a La-Z-Boy, sipping on sweet tea.

At least the Nickel got us out of the weather.

Southerners have a long tradition of buying and selling from each other. Rumor has it that the same Chester drawers has been part of every single family in Ashdown since the piece was made during the war. For those who’ve never heard of Chester drawers, they’re often mistakenly referred to as “chest of drawers.” The war refers to the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s.

For another example, if you are in the market for a Chester drawers with a mirror, that’s just called a dresser. A good dresser weighs as much as a Buick and requires at least five cousins to help you move it.

If you need a Chester drawers’ taller cousin, the chiffonier wardrobe, search for a chiffarobe. Every respectable person south of the Mason Dixon calls it a chiffarobe. It’s similar to a high boy (not to be confused with the fella in the La-Z-Boy who has something other than sweet tea in his Razorback mug), but it’s called a chiffarobe if it’s for a girl.

If you’re looking for a piece of furniture that people used before indoor plumbing, you want to search for a warsh stand. The fancy term is a washater. Not to be confused with a warsh-a-teria, which is where you take your laundry. A warsh-a-teria is normally found near a trailer park, but you might find one for sale on marketplace.

To replace your refrigerator, search for an icebox or a Frigidaire. The terms are interchangeable, but be careful. Most searches for icebox or Frigidaire will turn up refrigerators that are harvest gold or avocado green. The good news is iceboxes and Frigidaire’s never die. Expect them to outlast Keith Richards.

A search for vintage shoes should be spelled, “tennie shoes.” Or, tennies for short. Most searches for these will reveal shoes from a fella named Buster Brown or one of his Keds.

Maybe you use your fireplace often during the colder months and want to clean it. The best way to find a good do-it-yourself kit is to search for a “chimley cleaner.” Almost every Southern home includes a fireplace and chimley. Unless you live in a trailer.

If you live in a mobile home, search for a coloil heater if you’re having a hard time staying warm. It’s short for coal oil, but it actually refers to kerosene, which should’ve been part of the name, but isn’t.

If you are having trouble paying your light bill, search for a coloil lamp. Most coal oil lamps were made by Aladdin, who made them in his spare time when he wasn’t granting wishes.

Enclosing your front porch? You’ll need a wire door. Some people called them a screen door, but if they call them a screen door, they’re usually rich. A good wire door will keep the flies away from your Frigidaire, which is normally found right outside your front entrance and contains what the guy with the Razorback mug drinks.

I hope tis has helped in your transition to online Southern shopping. If you have a good deal on a Razorback mug, don’t list it on marketplace. I’ll take it. Leave the wire door open for me.

By John Moore, author, Puns for Groan People and Write of Passage: A Southerner’s View of Then and Now Vol. 1 and 2, are available on his website TheCountryWriter.com, where you can also send him a message.

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